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October 25, 2012 / Fantelius

The AmPol Award

The AmPol award is passed out directly after an election.

It is a one-eyed, two-faced, big-mouthed, empty-headed, promise-making, hidden-handed figure.

The one (very small) eye symbolizes lack of vision. Not only is it incapable of seeing ordinary people and victims of injustice, it is nearly blind from staring up the asses of campaign contributors.

The one face stares forward because of long hours in front of a mirror practicing smiling without smirking and looking knowledgeable despite being clueless. The second face (looking blankly to the side) reveals how simple and clueless he is.

The big mouth is his most distinguished feature. Although we can’t see the empty head from this angle, everything dropped into the head rolls right out of the mouth. It says the same thing day after day, somethings several times during the same day. A recording could do the job, but the different audiences must be given the impression that he actually gives a shit.

The arm goes up every time he makes a promise. Now he keeps it raised as it would look silly going up and down all the time like a broken mechanical dummy.

The significance of the hidden hand is disputed. Some say it hides his crossed fingers. Others claim it is taking bribes. Doctor Shrynk explained that he’s scratching his ass because his heads itches.

Thousands of AmPol awards will soon be passed out to everyone who voted.


(Tomorrow: Outside Conformity)


Leave a Comment
  1. garyschollmeier / Oct 25 2012 5:06 am

    This is great, I have a big smile.

    • Fantelius / Oct 25 2012 5:16 am

      Thank you! You make me smile.

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